He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
