Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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