conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
