problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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