She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
