tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
