talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize