I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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