do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
