Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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