Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Come share oat with me in your robe
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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