i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
