Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
