I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
