More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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