Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize