you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
