Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
