what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
