I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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