Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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