I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
