Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
