She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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