Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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