she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
