im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize