Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
