apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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