woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
