I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
