just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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