I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
