i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
