She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
