Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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