So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
