o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
