The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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