Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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