sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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