I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
