I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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