Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
