I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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