Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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