Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need to calm my uterus...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
