I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
