Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize