im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
BRING THE BAGELS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
