Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
