I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
