I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
