I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
