you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
