He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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