when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
