good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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