Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
