I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
