He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize