You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
