i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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