Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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