Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
