is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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