i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
