You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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