she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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