her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
