The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
