My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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