Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
