hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i came on her dog
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
