I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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