Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
