I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
