Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
