Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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