I am puke
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
