Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
