They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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