Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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