Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
