Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
