Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
