HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Randomize
